alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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