So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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