We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
