I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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