That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
