Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
