Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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