i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
