I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
