i barfeds in our rink
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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