For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
