Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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