we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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