I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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