I cockslap morals
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
