Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
