I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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