i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
