I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
