dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
