he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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