I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
