FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My vagina just recognized that song.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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