I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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