On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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