wat bout pragnant strippers??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
