He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
