dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
