you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize