Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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