Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
