I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
