i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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