So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
