I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
