Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
