Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
