hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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