You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
