Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
