I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
