Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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