What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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