that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
