dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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