so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
