Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
