i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
