oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
