just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
