She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
