Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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