She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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