everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
