no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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