God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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