you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
