Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
