his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
