New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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