normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
