my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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