Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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