Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
