They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
