I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
