Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
