I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
soo... how was my night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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