oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
