Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
